What My Workouts Have Looked Like Lately
I’ll be talking about some eating disorder related experiences in relation to exercise today. If that’s a tough topic for you, please feel free to skip this post or come back to it another time.
For a long time, working out just wasn’t part of my life – and that was something I had to make peace with.
At my sickest, exercise wasn’t something I enjoyed. It was something I had to do. I was spending hours at the gym nearly every day. I’d start on a piece of cardio equipment, then head downstairs for a group fitness class, and then go back upstairs for more cardio on the track. It never felt like enough.
My eating disorder constantly pushed me to go harder, faster, longer than the time before. Rest didn’t feel like an option, and neither did slowing down.
So stepping away from exercise completely was actually a really important part of my recovery.
It’s taken me years (and a lot of hard work in therapy) to get to a place where I feel ready to reintroduce movement in a healthier way. Even now, I’m very mindful about how I approach it. While it feels really good to move my body again, I also know how easy it can be to slip back into old patterns.
So I’ve been keeping things simple, flexible, and very in tune with how I’m feeling (both physically and mentally).
I thought I’d share what my workouts have been looking like lately.
Walks outdoors
This has probably been the biggest one for me.
Walking gets me moving and can gently get my heart rate up, especially if I pick up the pace. But more than that, it just feels good. The fresh air, the sunshine on my face (even in winter!), and the quiet time to myself have all been really grounding.
What I love most is how flexible it is.
If I’m having a low energy day, a 15 to 20 minute walk to stretch my legs is perfect. If I’m feeling good and the weather is nice, I might take a longer route and stay out for closer to an hour.
There’s no pressure to hit a certain time, distance, or pace. I just go by how I feel that day.
Another huge bonus? There’s no commute, no planning, no needing to go anywhere specific like the gym. I can just step outside and go.
And as an introvert, I really appreciate that I can do this alone. Don’t get me wrong, most people are lovely, but sometimes I just need quiet, solo time. Walking gives me that.
Treadmill walks
I’m very aware that having a treadmill at home is a privilege, and I don’t take that for granted.
That said, my relationship with the treadmill is a little more complicated.
Because of my history, numbers can still be triggering for me. During my eating disorder, everything was tracked – calories eaten, calories burned, distance, time, weight. It was constant, and it was exhausting.
So now, I only use the treadmill on days when I feel mentally okay to handle seeing those numbers. There are still days when it’s just . . . not it. And I’ve learned to respect that instead of pushing through.
Honestly, I wish there were a way to completely turn off the screen and just walk based on how I feel. No stats, no tracking, just movement. If I ever end up designing treadmills (which feels unlikely, but you never know), that feature will absolutely be included.
For now, I just do my best to stay mindful and check in with myself while I’m using it.
Fitness Marshall on YouTube
This has been one of the most fun ways I’ve reintroduced movement.
I first discovered Caleb Marshall (aka The Fitness Marshall) about 10 or 12 years ago, and I remember loving his videos even back then. I’ve always had a soft spot for dance workouts, even though I am, objectively, not a great dancer. There’s just something about moving my body in a way I don’t normally do, combined with music, that makes it feel more like fun and less like a “workout.”
One thing I didn’t love about some of the dance fitness classes I used to take at gyms was the diet culture that came with them. I had instructors say things like we needed to “earn” our Thanksgiving dinner, or call people out for not working “hard enough.” At the time, I didn’t question it. But looking back now, I can see how harmful that messaging was.
It’s not something I want to be around anymore.
So when I looked up The Fitness Marshall again last spring, I was really relieved to see that his content felt completely different. There’s no diet culture messaging, no pressure, just fun, inclusive workouts.
He also makes things really accessible, which I appreciate so much. There are low-impact options, and even chair versions of workouts. He actually continued making videos while recovering from knee surgery by doing seated routines, which I think is amazing.
Last month, I finally decided to become a member of his YouTube channel, and I’m so glad I did. Having access to his livestreams has made things so much easier. Instead of trying to piece together a workout from random videos, I can just press play and follow along. It’s simple, it’s fun, and it takes the pressure off.
And once again, no commute, no crowded spaces with Fitness Marshall workouts. Just me, my living room, and a little dance party.
A Few Things I’m Keeping in Mind
As I’ve been easing back into movement, there are a few things I keep coming back to:
- I don’t have to work out every day
- Rest days are just as important as active days
- “Short” workouts still count
- How I feel matters more than what I did
This approach might look different from more structured fitness routines—and that’s okay. Right now, this is what feels supportive and sustainable for me.
Final Thoughts
If there’s one thing I’ve learned through this process, it’s that movement can look so different depending on the season of life you’re in. For me, this season is about rebuilding trust with my body.
It’s about choosing movement that feels good instead of punishing. It’s about letting go of numbers when I need to, and listening a little more closely to what I actually need that day.
Some days that looks like a walk. Some days it’s a dance workout. And some days, it’s doing nothing at all, and being okay with that.
I’m not aiming for perfection or a strict routine. I’m just aiming for something that feels balanced, gentle, and sustainable. And right now, that feels like a really good place to be. 💛
